Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize