Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
