please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
