and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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