Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize