It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
my liver is dry heaving
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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