is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize