Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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