Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
