You can't motorboat a personality
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
What a dumb baby whore.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I enjoy the company of your penis
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
