where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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