people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
