He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
