like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
