I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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