ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
