He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We were destined to go to rehab together
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
