My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
