great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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