I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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