We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I intend to get homeless drunk
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
