woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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