My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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