The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
