So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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