I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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