Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
