i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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