He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I forget how to act sober
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
