I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
