You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
