Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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