all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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