I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
