I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm bleeding and have questions
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
