And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
