And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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