we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
