Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
