and you said cock pushups were impossible
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
