It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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