I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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