is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
