tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
