omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize