Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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