apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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