Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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