...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
