I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
