He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's shark week go big or go home
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
