I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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