For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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