this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
where are my eyebrows?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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