there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
