Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
they call him Oral-B. enough said
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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