What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
