sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
