I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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