literally had 100 drinks last night.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
