It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
