Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
