I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
