you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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