I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
