I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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