wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
