now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
