trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
