it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
