there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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