The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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