tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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