I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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