I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
