Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
