Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
