Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
