I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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