When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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