Will you blow on my dice?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize