he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
