oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize