Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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